And the crazy letters continue...

I was talking to a few friends last night, and they all seemed to suggest that being a little more assertive in one's quest for employment can sometimes be beneficial. That advice, combined with my renewed feeling of empowerment after sending a letter to the Chronicle of Philanthropy the other day, led me to draft the letter below to the intern coordinator at Entertainment Weekly.

Now, I'm aware that it comes across as a bit loopy. But there are certain factors to consider. First off, at this point, 2 weeks after the due date for the application, I figure they've looked at my application and passed on it. Sending this letter can only help me, I think, because they'll either read it and reconsider me, or read it and think I'm nuts which doesn't do any harm because they weren't going to hire me anyway. Second, this letter takes into account what I imagine to be the personality of Entertainment Weekly. It's not generally a stuffy publication; it tends to be pretty easy-going and free-spirited in the vein of many entertainment-style publications. I don't think the tone or content of this letter are too far afield from the atmosphere of the magazine.

Anyway, here's the crazy letter from Psycho Boy:
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Dear Editor-

It has been a couple of weeks since I submitted my application to the Entertainment Weekly internship program. Since I haven’t yet been contacted by anyone at the magazine, I’m assuming that my application has either been destroyed in a freak fire in the magazine’s research department, or that you’ve already read it and decided not to give it further consideration.

I would like to encourage you, implore you, do everything I can short of begging you to give my application a second look. OK, fine, I’ll beg. Please, grant me an interview! When you meet me in person, I’m positive that you’ll immediately realize that you won’t have to consider any other candidates for the internship, and you’ll wish that you’d contacted me sooner (or that my application hadn’t burst into flames)!

I can say with utmost confidence that I am both the most enthusiastic and the most qualified person in the country—nay, the world—to serve as an intern for Entertainment Weekly. I embody Entertainment Weekly’s readership in every way. I have been an avid spectator of the entertainment industry since I was old enough to buy myself a movie ticket. I am well-versed in the current states of film, television, DVD, music, books and even theater (give me a quiz, I’ll prove it!). I spent four years writing movie reviews for my college newspaper just so that I’d have a portfolio of clips to choose from when I applied to this internship! (Seriously, I’ve done a heck of a lot of entertainment writing and there’s nothing I want more than to make a career out of it. I can’t think of a better environment in which to learn and grow as an entertainment writer than at Entertainment Weekly.)

I’m not sure what else I can do to draw attention to myself in order to let you know just how much I want this internship. Well, considering today’s date, what if I dressed up as Entertainment Weekly for Halloween? I’d probably pick the Dixie Chicks cover, since that one made the ASME list of best covers (Congratulations!). Personally, I thought the 1994 Kurt Cobain cover should have been on the list as well.

In one last act of desperation, I’m going to CC this letter to Dalton Ross in hopes that he has some sort of pull in the intern selection process. I look up to Mr. Ross, who serves as a role model to aspiring entertainment journalists. I comb the magazine every week looking for pieces he’s written (he’s everywhere!), and I’ve watched every episode of Survivor Live since he co-opted the hosting gig from that goofy Chris Booker character.

I am prepared to take on any and all of the duties of an EW intern. Go ahead, throw your most mundane assignments at me. I’ll do them proficiently and enthusiastically for as long as you’ll let me.

It occurs to me that this letter might be fodder for the office bulletin board, perhaps embellished with a Post-It that says “Look at this crazy letter from Psycho Boy!” I say, great! At least you’ll have my contact information on file!

Sincerely,

[me]

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Have I gone nuts?