Post-interview listlessness

Perhaps the uncharacteristic three-day gap between posts speaks for itself. I've found myself drained of motivation since my Thursday of much travel and not much interviewing. Looking back, I find my last entry to be totally inexplicable. I certainly had a trove of observations and reactions stored up in the wake of the interview, but most of them have faded at this point.

I feel as if I've lost the coherent narrative thread of this...whatever it is. (Blog? Journal? Complaint department?) At the beginning, I had so much pent-up energy and emotion that it was hard even to address just one theme at a time. After an initial (hopefully relevant, if slightly over-cooked) burst of productivity, I began to drift into the dangerous waters of confessional purgation (see "Catharsis!" and "And the crazy letters continue..."). I'm especially embarrassed at having posted/sent those two letters. A rational person would have drafted those manifestos in a benign environment like this one, reflected on them for a day or two, and then decided whether or not to dispatch them into the real world; my process was precisely the opposite, less the period of reflection. Time and again, I've allowed impulse to override good judgement. And as a result I feel pretty pathetic.

Not surprisingly, my search for a job has taken a parallel course to my chronicle of it. It's random, haphazard, and generally misguided. I've already lost the hard edge that I thought I'd gained a few weeks ago. My resolve lasted all of a few days. Sure, Thursday's lackluster interview took a lot of the wind out of my sails, and maybe I'll rebound in a few days. But I feel like I'm at a loss now more than ever. I suspect that there are a hundred jobs out there that I could apply to on Monday, interview for on Wednesday, be offered on Friday, and start on the following Monday. But either I can't find them or, more ominously, I won't. I found reasons not to take the two jobs I've been offered, and I can't say I was that excited about the G* P* job, or that I am that excited about the F* & W* job. I'm not really excited about doing anything. Well, I'm pretty excited about applying to law school, but I can't say I'm as enthusiastic about actually attending. I'd say the most appealing thing I can think of to do right now would be to just get in the car and drive, Kerouac-style. But even then, I've never actually read "On The Road." See? Pathetic.