Word search
I think I've finally figured out what's going on here. I've been trying for some time to summon up from my clogged (and generally unimpressive) vocabulary the single word that defines the state that I'm currently in. This particular task has been fueled by my belief that being able to define my present predicament will (somehow) make it easier to overcome. Once the beast has a name, maybe it will be easier to kill it (you might say).
"Indecision" was a leading cadidate for a while. I've been doing an enormous amount of agonizing over what it is that I want to do with the rest of my existence. But so far I've been unable to pluck out, from the meager list of possibilities, anything that shouts "This is what you want to do!" But indecision lacks a certain quality, a certain verb-ness, that I think is essential. These past few months have been about more than just thought processes. They've been about action...or more accurately inaction, or non-action. They've been about running in place as fast as I can at the starting line of a race.
That's why I think "waiting," plain and simple, is the word I've been looking for. While it hasn't quite been on the tip of my toungue, it's been looking my squarely in the face. What I do now is wait. I wait for jobs that excite me to be posted. I wait to hear back from people I've sent my resume to. I wait for interviews. I wait for offers. I wait for lunchtime. I wait for the weekend to come. But, mostly, I wait for something to happen. Can't say what it is. A stroke of inspiration, a gut feeling, even some sort of [I can't believe I'm about to say this] sign.
I heard something funny on NPR today. It has nothing to do with me waiting for something to happen, I only bring it up because I think it's funny and I'm sick of thinking about (and writing about) how much of a bum I am right now. This comes from one of those Saturday afternoon comedy shows on NPR. The question being posed to the respondent was: "Now that the Kansas Board of Education has adopted a policy of addressing intelligent design in the public school science curriculum, what will they do next?"
Answer: "Kansas history courses will be required to teach an alternate ending to 'The Wizard of Oz.'"
I liked that.
"Indecision" was a leading cadidate for a while. I've been doing an enormous amount of agonizing over what it is that I want to do with the rest of my existence. But so far I've been unable to pluck out, from the meager list of possibilities, anything that shouts "This is what you want to do!" But indecision lacks a certain quality, a certain verb-ness, that I think is essential. These past few months have been about more than just thought processes. They've been about action...or more accurately inaction, or non-action. They've been about running in place as fast as I can at the starting line of a race.
That's why I think "waiting," plain and simple, is the word I've been looking for. While it hasn't quite been on the tip of my toungue, it's been looking my squarely in the face. What I do now is wait. I wait for jobs that excite me to be posted. I wait to hear back from people I've sent my resume to. I wait for interviews. I wait for offers. I wait for lunchtime. I wait for the weekend to come. But, mostly, I wait for something to happen. Can't say what it is. A stroke of inspiration, a gut feeling, even some sort of [I can't believe I'm about to say this] sign.
I heard something funny on NPR today. It has nothing to do with me waiting for something to happen, I only bring it up because I think it's funny and I'm sick of thinking about (and writing about) how much of a bum I am right now. This comes from one of those Saturday afternoon comedy shows on NPR. The question being posed to the respondent was: "Now that the Kansas Board of Education has adopted a policy of addressing intelligent design in the public school science curriculum, what will they do next?"
Answer: "Kansas history courses will be required to teach an alternate ending to 'The Wizard of Oz.'"
I liked that.
posted by temporarily unemployed at 17:38
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