What's the point?

I've recently been faced with a decision that basically epitomizes the anguish I've been going through for the past four months.

Yesterday on Craigslist New York (in the writing/editing section), I came across the following posting:

Newsweek Magazine seeks an Editorial Assistant. As the Editorial Assistant, you will attend story meetings; write and edit story lists; field story list questions. You will also work with editors to obtain information; send out story lists on time; process guest agreements and contact guest writers. Other responsibilities as assigned.

The ideal candidate will have excellent writing skills preferably with an interest in journalism, international affairs or literature. Excellent editing skills and the ability to meet deadlines is a must. Proficiency in MS Word and Excel is required. College degree preferred.

Please email a resume and cover letter including salary requirements to resumes@newsweek.com. Please put "Editorial Assistant" in the subject line of your email.

Only those candidates to be interviewed will be contacted. Equal Opportunity Employer M/F/D/V.

I can't conceive of a more plum opportunity. This is exactly what I want to do: learn the ropes of writing and editing by being a fly on the wall of a major publication. I've got the skill set: Menial administrative stuff, get coffee for editors, juggle twenty different things at once, type-- no problems there! As for the requirements--interest in journalism and literature: check; editing and writing skills: check; ability to meet deadlines: check; profiency in Word and Excel: check; college degree: check plus.

And yet, I know without a doubt that there's a snowball's chance in Hell that I'll even be considered for this job. No way. Not a chance. Every job application-related experience that I've had since September is evidence in support of this belief. I've been ignored by far lesser operations than Newsweek Magazine. Plus, this job was posted on Craigslist! Every Tom, Dick and Jayson Blair will be applying. Spending the time to put together a cover letter and resume is an exercise in futility if ever there was one.

What I want to know is what it takes to get noticed by a place like Newsweek (or Entertainment Weekly, or The Chronicle of Philanthropy, or even goddam Points North Magazine in Atlanta, Georgia). Is it in the cover letter? Do I have to write a Greek tragedy about how failing to hire me will lead to the complete unravelling of the publication? Do I have to exploit everything I've ever done and insist that there has never been, and never will be again, a candidate as extraordinary as myself? Perhaps a Shakespearean sonnet would do. Or, is it in the resume? All this time, I've assumed that my six favorite letters--YALE B.A.--would unlock any doorknob I tried to turn. Talk about a fallacy. What does a winning resume look like? Does Newsweek only hire editorial assistants who have already worked as editorial assistants at Time and U.S. News & World Report?

As if I needed any extra incentive to not apply to this job, they've included my favorite line of all: "Only those candidates to be interviewed will be contacted." To me, that phrase translates into: "Don't even bother, we're not going to call you."

I'd be more than willing to sell out to get a job like this. I'll work for peanuts, I'll tell you exactly what you want to hear, I'll work 60 hours a week in a broom closet. If I can't hack it, if I'm not cut out for it, if I just plain suck, fine! I just wish that somebody somewhere would give me a chance to give it a shot. Then at least I'd be able to bring this farce to an end and put on my McDonald's visor with a sliver of my self-respect still intact.