Down and out
I still haven't heard from Kaplan. I'm about ready to dig a hole and bury myself in it.
The Kaplan people were supposed to get back to me in "3 to 5 business days." I auditioned last Tuesday. Friday was the third business day; today is the fifth. I've been trying to run scenarios in my head, but I can't think of a single rational reason why I wouldn't have heard a word with little over an hour left of the fifth business day. Are they pulling a Food & Wine on me (i.e., inviting me to interview and then neglecting to inform me that they've decided not to hire me)?
This was supposed to be my fallback. This was supposed to be my safety school, my shoo-in, my last resort. I was supposed to avoid teaching of any kind because I didn't want to wake up in 10 years to find myself standing in front of a room full of bored 10th graders, giving a warmed-over lecture on "A Separate Peace." Applying to Kaplan was an act of desperation, an act of hopelessness that may have been even more hopeless than I imagined.
For the first time in a while, I had trouble getting to sleep last night. I kept myself up thinking about all the applications I've submitted over the past several months. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume, and by my utter failure to secure anything that I've really wanted. I've been submitting fewer applications recently. Disregard and rejection have come to look like foregone conclusions.
How did I get to this point? One year ago, things were going well enough. I may have burned out a bit toward the end of college, but didn't everyone? Putting off making plans was liberating. Once June began I'd have no obligations for the first time in forever. My options were more open than they'd ever be again. It felt like it would be a time to savor. If I had been able to see where I'd be today, would I have done anything differently? How much more pathetic would my current life look to my hopeful, ambitious, pre-graduation self?
I've been writing for an hour, and still nothing from Kaplan.
If I get the Kaplan job I'm taking it, and I'll keep applying to anything I come across that seems promising. I don't even want to consider not getting it.
The Kaplan people were supposed to get back to me in "3 to 5 business days." I auditioned last Tuesday. Friday was the third business day; today is the fifth. I've been trying to run scenarios in my head, but I can't think of a single rational reason why I wouldn't have heard a word with little over an hour left of the fifth business day. Are they pulling a Food & Wine on me (i.e., inviting me to interview and then neglecting to inform me that they've decided not to hire me)?
This was supposed to be my fallback. This was supposed to be my safety school, my shoo-in, my last resort. I was supposed to avoid teaching of any kind because I didn't want to wake up in 10 years to find myself standing in front of a room full of bored 10th graders, giving a warmed-over lecture on "A Separate Peace." Applying to Kaplan was an act of desperation, an act of hopelessness that may have been even more hopeless than I imagined.
For the first time in a while, I had trouble getting to sleep last night. I kept myself up thinking about all the applications I've submitted over the past several months. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume, and by my utter failure to secure anything that I've really wanted. I've been submitting fewer applications recently. Disregard and rejection have come to look like foregone conclusions.
How did I get to this point? One year ago, things were going well enough. I may have burned out a bit toward the end of college, but didn't everyone? Putting off making plans was liberating. Once June began I'd have no obligations for the first time in forever. My options were more open than they'd ever be again. It felt like it would be a time to savor. If I had been able to see where I'd be today, would I have done anything differently? How much more pathetic would my current life look to my hopeful, ambitious, pre-graduation self?
I've been writing for an hour, and still nothing from Kaplan.
If I get the Kaplan job I'm taking it, and I'll keep applying to anything I come across that seems promising. I don't even want to consider not getting it.
posted by temporarily unemployed at 16:33
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