I'm (so) moving on
A comment writer posed the question of why most of the AmeriCorps destination I'd listed were outside of the northeast. Here's the response I've been working on for a while (it's a little murky, get over it):
You probably can't take the Southern New England out of the boy, but maybe it's time to take the boy out of Southern New England.
Where I am now is where I've always been. Living at home means complacency and the status quo. It's easy, it's safe, and it's chewing my insides up and spitting them out. It's long been obvious that moving on and moving up means moving out.
I've known a lot of people who have been in the same place for their entire lives. And I've known a lot of people who aren't hindered by geography (or really anything), and whose motivation has propelled them to extraordinary accomplishments. Of the two outcomes, I'll take the second.
For most of my life, I had a single goal. I knew what it was going to take to accomplish that goal; I was driven and focused and, ultimately, I was damn lucky to have achieved that goal.
But all of that has come and gone, and now I'm in a much soggier place. There's no finish line anymore, there's no checklist of things to get done. I'm lost. My shoes are untied.
All of the effort I put in, all of the potential I was supposed to have--irrelevant, missing in action. I've got a $120,000 car in the garage, but I can't afford to put gas in it.
I'm probably capable of taking control of my life in a lot of different ways. Somewhere in me there's got to be an "ambition" switch (I used to know where it was), a "work ethic" button (that one's always been a little more elusive), a "self-pity" lever (that's one I need to turn off, if I can ever find it). There are questions that I'm perfectly capable of answering: Who? What? Why?
But the easiest question to answer--the easiest way to take control of my situation, it would seem--is Where?
The farther away a place is, the more it seems like someplace else, the more I'll feel like I've accomplished something. It's impossible to know for sure how much things will improve with a change of scenery. But it's the best I've got.
I haven't started studying for the LSAT yet.
I haven't applied to any AmeriCorps jobs yet.
I'm probably going to quit Qpac this week.
I haven't written anything creative in a long time.
I've got cash flow, but no mojo.
Last night I was stood up for a dinner date (band prez, SY '04) and fell asleep on the couch in front of "Anchorman" at 10 pm.
Most of the songs I listen to are starting to sound dead.
I bought two new polo shirts from Old Navy. They're pretty nice.
You probably can't take the Southern New England out of the boy, but maybe it's time to take the boy out of Southern New England.
Where I am now is where I've always been. Living at home means complacency and the status quo. It's easy, it's safe, and it's chewing my insides up and spitting them out. It's long been obvious that moving on and moving up means moving out.
I've known a lot of people who have been in the same place for their entire lives. And I've known a lot of people who aren't hindered by geography (or really anything), and whose motivation has propelled them to extraordinary accomplishments. Of the two outcomes, I'll take the second.
For most of my life, I had a single goal. I knew what it was going to take to accomplish that goal; I was driven and focused and, ultimately, I was damn lucky to have achieved that goal.
But all of that has come and gone, and now I'm in a much soggier place. There's no finish line anymore, there's no checklist of things to get done. I'm lost. My shoes are untied.
All of the effort I put in, all of the potential I was supposed to have--irrelevant, missing in action. I've got a $120,000 car in the garage, but I can't afford to put gas in it.
I'm probably capable of taking control of my life in a lot of different ways. Somewhere in me there's got to be an "ambition" switch (I used to know where it was), a "work ethic" button (that one's always been a little more elusive), a "self-pity" lever (that's one I need to turn off, if I can ever find it). There are questions that I'm perfectly capable of answering: Who? What? Why?
But the easiest question to answer--the easiest way to take control of my situation, it would seem--is Where?
The farther away a place is, the more it seems like someplace else, the more I'll feel like I've accomplished something. It's impossible to know for sure how much things will improve with a change of scenery. But it's the best I've got.
I haven't started studying for the LSAT yet.
I haven't applied to any AmeriCorps jobs yet.
I'm probably going to quit Qpac this week.
I haven't written anything creative in a long time.
I've got cash flow, but no mojo.
Last night I was stood up for a dinner date (band prez, SY '04) and fell asleep on the couch in front of "Anchorman" at 10 pm.
Most of the songs I listen to are starting to sound dead.
I bought two new polo shirts from Old Navy. They're pretty nice.
posted by temporarily unemployed at 08:17
9 Comments:
We should talk a lot about this later on, when we get the chance, because I feel like you've somehow summed up a huge part of what I've been doing for years now.
-e
Shame on P*o**e.
I certainly understand your desire to make a geographical leap into the shiny, new, and unknown. Up until Ameri-----, I thought you had been looking for jobs almost exclusively in New England.
"I'm (so) moving on" definitely ranks in my (TEMPORARILY) UNEMPLOYED top 10 (mostly because I liked the last line, but also because the rest of it was thoughtful).
I think you should go and rent the English version of The Office (it's only two seasons) for some inspiration.
Also, I'd like to put in a little word for those folks who end up living their lives in one place. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.
Hmm...I don't think anyone who reads this has spent as much time in the same place as I have (which I think is a big part of the reason why I'm so aware of my own condition). It probably sounds like I'm belittling anyone who stays in one place for their entire lives, but...eh...I don't know, it's just not what I want for myself.
Sometimes I feel like I missed out on a certain amount of personal growth in college. Maybe it's because I stayed close to home, maybe it's because I struggled with insecurities; it's probably a little of both. I've been trying to work on the insecurity issue lately, but it's been hard to gauge my progress because I'm not in any kind of challenging or stimulating situation.
I'm not asking for a second crack at college, or even a second crack at the past year (I think I've learned some important lessons from both experiences); I just think I need to find a way to get back on the track that I thought I was on--a mindset of ambition and motivation--and use my experiences from the last five years to stay on it, wherever it leads.
I think it's admirable that you're thinking of giving somewhere else a shot. It's not easy, but it can be rewarding, and you sound ready for it. Selfishly, I don't like it, since you'll be farther away, but that's not the big thing. There's nothing wrong with staying in the same place, if someone knows that's what he/she likes.
Besides, from the writing, I somehow imagine the "anonymous" poster as someone who's moved around quite a bit. Not over vast geographical stretches, in my hypothetical imagination, but pretty different kinds of places he/she has been I envision.
DK
sketchy...
I think you should go from one coffeehouse to another, reciting beat poetry in exchange for sexual favors.
COUNTDOWN TO GREATNESS. i think you know what i'm talking about.
~C
Mmm...I dig the beat poetry suggestion. (Get it: I "dig it.") Now where'd I put that bongo?
Michael J...I havent read in a while, and i've never commented before, but this post is my favorite of all. Also, since I work from 9-5 now, do you wanna get lunch some time soon and catch up since we didnt have much time when you were here during deadweek?
<3 j
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