And the crazy letters continue...

I was talking to a few friends last night, and they all seemed to suggest that being a little more assertive in one's quest for employment can sometimes be beneficial. That advice, combined with my renewed feeling of empowerment after sending a letter to the Chronicle of Philanthropy the other day, led me to draft the letter below to the intern coordinator at Entertainment Weekly.

Now, I'm aware that it comes across as a bit loopy. But there are certain factors to consider. First off, at this point, 2 weeks after the due date for the application, I figure they've looked at my application and passed on it. Sending this letter can only help me, I think, because they'll either read it and reconsider me, or read it and think I'm nuts which doesn't do any harm because they weren't going to hire me anyway. Second, this letter takes into account what I imagine to be the personality of Entertainment Weekly. It's not generally a stuffy publication; it tends to be pretty easy-going and free-spirited in the vein of many entertainment-style publications. I don't think the tone or content of this letter are too far afield from the atmosphere of the magazine.

Anyway, here's the crazy letter from Psycho Boy:
--------------------------------

Dear Editor-

It has been a couple of weeks since I submitted my application to the Entertainment Weekly internship program. Since I haven’t yet been contacted by anyone at the magazine, I’m assuming that my application has either been destroyed in a freak fire in the magazine’s research department, or that you’ve already read it and decided not to give it further consideration.

I would like to encourage you, implore you, do everything I can short of begging you to give my application a second look. OK, fine, I’ll beg. Please, grant me an interview! When you meet me in person, I’m positive that you’ll immediately realize that you won’t have to consider any other candidates for the internship, and you’ll wish that you’d contacted me sooner (or that my application hadn’t burst into flames)!

I can say with utmost confidence that I am both the most enthusiastic and the most qualified person in the country—nay, the world—to serve as an intern for Entertainment Weekly. I embody Entertainment Weekly’s readership in every way. I have been an avid spectator of the entertainment industry since I was old enough to buy myself a movie ticket. I am well-versed in the current states of film, television, DVD, music, books and even theater (give me a quiz, I’ll prove it!). I spent four years writing movie reviews for my college newspaper just so that I’d have a portfolio of clips to choose from when I applied to this internship! (Seriously, I’ve done a heck of a lot of entertainment writing and there’s nothing I want more than to make a career out of it. I can’t think of a better environment in which to learn and grow as an entertainment writer than at Entertainment Weekly.)

I’m not sure what else I can do to draw attention to myself in order to let you know just how much I want this internship. Well, considering today’s date, what if I dressed up as Entertainment Weekly for Halloween? I’d probably pick the Dixie Chicks cover, since that one made the ASME list of best covers (Congratulations!). Personally, I thought the 1994 Kurt Cobain cover should have been on the list as well.

In one last act of desperation, I’m going to CC this letter to Dalton Ross in hopes that he has some sort of pull in the intern selection process. I look up to Mr. Ross, who serves as a role model to aspiring entertainment journalists. I comb the magazine every week looking for pieces he’s written (he’s everywhere!), and I’ve watched every episode of Survivor Live since he co-opted the hosting gig from that goofy Chris Booker character.

I am prepared to take on any and all of the duties of an EW intern. Go ahead, throw your most mundane assignments at me. I’ll do them proficiently and enthusiastically for as long as you’ll let me.

It occurs to me that this letter might be fodder for the office bulletin board, perhaps embellished with a Post-It that says “Look at this crazy letter from Psycho Boy!” I say, great! At least you’ll have my contact information on file!

Sincerely,

[me]

-----
Have I gone nuts?

Catharsis!

I got an email from the C* of P* on Friday. I had sent them an email on Thursday to see if they had filled the position I applied for. It turned out that they had. I started thinking about how deplorable this kind of treatment is. I had to send them two writing samples in addition to my resume and cover letter, and they couldn't even take the time to let me know that the position had been filled. Unacceptable, in my opinion. So, I wrote a letter to the editor to let him/her know how I feel. I'm gloating right now, but then again I did waste an hour that I could have used to apply to other jobs. Here's the letter, in full:
---------------------------
Dear Editor-

I am writing to express my dismay with the recent mistreatment of my application to a position at The C* of P*.

On September 30, I responded, via email, to a job listing on JournalismJobs.com which advertised an opening for an editorial assistant at The C* of P*. I put a significant amount of effort into preparing my application, as it required two writing samples in addition to the requisite resume and cover letter. I was particularly concerned about submitting my application in a timely manner (the website listing was dated September 29), as I am aware that such postings tend to generate a high volume of responses in a short amount of time.

Over the course of the next several weeks, I waited for some word in response to my application, be it an acknowledgement of receipt, an offer for an interview, or even notice that the position had been filled. No such word ever arrived. On Thursday of this past week, I sent a follow-up email to the C* in an attempt to determine the status of the position. The next day, I received an email from H* J* informing me that the position had been filled (the original contact was M* M*; Ms. J* informed me that Ms. M* was on vacation late last week).

I take all of my job applications quite seriously, and I was particularly enthusiastic about the possibility of working for the C* of P*, a publication that I am familiar with and held in high regard. The very least that I expected in response to my job application was an acknowledgement that the position was no longer open once it had been filled. Anything less, in my opinion, constitutes not only a lack of professionalism, but simply bad manners. As I mentioned, I am aware that open positions in this field and at a well-respected publication like the C* tend to attract a large number of applicants. But I don't believe that this fact excuses the C* from abiding by the most basic rules of professional etiquette. Any company that posts a job in any forum should be prepared to extend to each applicant that courtesy that he deserves, especially if the job applicant is expected to go beyond the normal expectations of a job application, as is true in this case due to the request for two writing samples.

I have found my search for an entry-level position in the field of print journalism and publishing to be incredibly frustrating. I am a recent graduate of [such-and-such] University with a bachelor's degree in English; I poured my heart and soul into the campus weekly paper as a writer and editor over the course of four years; I held an internship at a major daily newspaper, and worked with one of the most renowned collections of books in the country as an assistant in [such-and-such's]'s rare book library. I am a hard worker, an experienced writer and editor, and an enthusiastic and likeable guy. And yet publications like the C* of P* won't even give my application a second glance. I wish I knew what it is that I'm missing.

Perhaps I am completely unqualified for positions like the one which, until recently, was open at your publication. The least I deserve, I think, is a simple email telling me so.

Sincerely,

[I'm still pretending that this is an anonymous blog]
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Woohoo! I wonder if I'll get a response.

Black Thursday

Harriet Miers wasn't the only one who had a bad day yesterday.

I, like the president's chief counsel, had been nominated to fill a very prestigious and important role (that of a part-time editorial assistant at the G* P* P* in Guilford, CT, in my case). Like Harriet Miers, I took meetings with those high-level officials who would be charged with deciding whether or not I was qualified to hold this position. I submitted a set of written documents in order to demonstrate my expertise in the relevant subject matter (specifically, one test of my proofreadings skills and a separate test of my copyediting skills). Like Harriet Miers, I was confident. But then yesterday morning, in what constituted a real sucker punch, I received a phone call informing me that they had chosen someone who was "a closer match" to fill their part-time editorial assistant position.

I felt like I was a shoo-in. I was one of only three applicants to the position! Surely, my background and qualifications, coupled with what I thought was a successful interview, were enough to to beat out only *two* other people for an entry-level part-time job in the New Haven suburbs. I mean, what the fuck!?

Perhaps the most painful part of this particular episode is how my attitude toward the job had evolved over the two weeks since I interviewed for it. As I drove home from the interview, I was convinced that I would be offered the position. I was so confident that I began thinking about applying to other part-time jobs in order to fill out my schedule. As a few days went by, I began to think that maybe I wouldn't take this job at G* P* (which I was still sure that I was going to get), because, I thought, why should I settle for this job when I was sure that'd be able to secure a bunch of better full-time jobs without much of a problem. But then the days started ticking by. No offers of better full-time jobs. As of Wednesday, I had accepted the fact that the job was the best thing I'd had going in a while, and that there was no good reason at this point not to take it (if something better ended up coming along, I could just quit!) I slept fitfully Wednesday night, somehow sure that the next day would be the day that I would, however grudgingly, accept an offer from the G* P* P*. I was in the shower when the call actually came, and my spirits lifted when I saw that I had missed a call from G* P*. I called back immediately, and before the situation could register in my head, the conversation was over. I was totally numb, but there was a loud ringing in my ears. I didn't get it. Fuck them.

My uncle told me that they probably hired someone else who was "less qualified" than me because "they don't want someone who's going to be looking for better jobs that are full-time." It's a nice thought (sort of) but I'd be an ego maniac if I actually subscribed to that idea.

Today, a new chapter in the search begins. Gone are my hopes for Entertainment Weekly and those jobs that are for people with all of those mystery qualifications that are some much more spectacular than mine. Today, it's time to start setting the bar low. It's time to realize that I'm not as singularly talented as my family thinks (yesterday, my aunt told me, with a completely straight face, that I should apply to The New Yorker). It's time to be realisitic. It's time accept my limitations. It's time, in short, to settle.

List Update (1)

At least one of the Houghton Mifflin jobs has been filled, so I'm giving up on both. No email or contact of any kind. I only found out about the status of the position because I logged on to the company's careers site. Screw Houghton Mifflin.

While we're on the subject of bitterness, I've been wanting to mention my experience applying for a job at The New Republic. Early last spring, I applied to their year-long reporter/researcher internship program. A lot went into the application: I had to prepare several writing samples, tailor a cover letter and resume, and complete a lengthy written analysis of one of their recent issues. Three months went by with no word at all (not even an acknowledgement of receipt), and then I get a mass-mailing form letter informing me that the position had been filled by someone who was better qualified. Flash forward to earlier this week. One of the stops on my daily scouring of the internet was The New Republic. Just for kicks, I went to their masthead to see if I happened to recognize the name of the person they'd hired for the reporter/researcher role. Lo and behold! It's a fellow graduate of an elite east coast school! Among her extracurricular achievements: membership in the elitest of the elite secret societies, Skull and Bones! The revelation certainly wasn't surprising, but it did serve as a bit of a reality check. There is a truth that becomes increasingly apparent with each passing day of my job search: for the first time in my life my ambitions far exceed my accomplishments and qualifications. For a long time, I lived under the illusion that going to college where I went to college would be enough to set me up for life. But now it seems like my lack of either academic or extracurricular distinction constitutes a serious road block to the grand career designs that have been percolating in my head since graduation. I find myself floundering, and I haven't quite figured out how to right myself.

The List So Far...

For the sake of posterity, and also just to be able to see what this list actually looks like when it's written down, here are the jobs I've applied for as of this date, along with the status of each application.

Technical Writer, Stephen Winter and Associates Architecture Firm (Norwalk, CT)
-Interviewed, Offered, Declined (too boring)
Editorial Assistant, The Intrepid Traveler (Guilford, CT)
-Position already filled at time of application
Editorial Assistant, The Chronicle of Higher Education (Washington, D.C.)
-Position filled. (No interview, just a terse two-line rejection email a month after I applied.)
Literary Arts Program Coordinator, The Mount (Lenox, MA)
-Interviewed, Offered, Declined (middle-of-nowhere location, salary too small)
Editorial Assistant, Hylas Publishing (Irvington, NY)
-"Pending," but I'm assuming it's a bust (No word in a month and a half)
Production Assistant, The Daily Washington Law Reporter (Washington, D.C.)
-Theoretically "Pending," but I received an email immediately after applying that said only qualified candidates would be contacted. Very professional.
Editorial Assistant, The Chronicle of Philanthropy (Washington, D.C.)
-"Pending" (No word in almost a month)
Part-time Editorial Assistant, The Globe Pequot Press (Guilford, CT)
-Interviewed, awaiting further information
Editorial Assistant, Great Valley Publishing (Spring City, PA)
-"Pending" (No word in more than three weeks)
Editorial Assistant, The University of Chicago Press (Chicago, IL)
-"Pending" (No word in more than three weeks)
Editorial Assistant-College English, Houghton Mifflin (Boston, MA)
Editorial Assistant-U.S. History, Houghton Mifflin (Boston, MA)
-Both "Pending" (applied simultaneously through website about a week ago)
Administrative Assistant, The Atlantic Monthly (Washington, D.C.)
-"Pending" (applied through website about a week ago)
Intern, Entertainment Weekly (New York, NY)
-"Pending" (snail-mailed application about a week ago)
Legal Assistant, Wiggin & Dana (New Haven, CT)
-"Pending" (faxed resume yesterday)

I've even made several overtures to the Red Cross seeking out VOLUNTEER opportunities in the wake of the most destructive hurricane in U.S. history. I was constantly rerouted and never heard back.

I'm not usually one who puts much stock in supernatural or otherworldly forces, but I can't help but notice that after being offered the very first job I applied for and turning it down, I've had a pretty rough time of nailing down a decent gig.

I've gotten a lot of flack for turning down the few jobs that I've been offered. In my own defense, both of those offers were seriously flawed. At the architecture firm,I was basically going to be a slightly glorified photocopier technician, and I was reluctant to take a so-so job in Norwalk because I'd either have to endure a hellish commute or move to a dingy city for a job that I wasn't really that interested in. My next offer, about a month later, was for the Literary Arts Program Coordinator job at the Mount, which, for the record, is the Edith Wharton estate and cultural center. I had an extraordinarily pleasant interview with the president and vice-president of the organization, and the location in rural western Massachusetts was pristine, but I determined that it wouldn't be the best idea to move out to the middle of nowhere at this point in my life, and neither the job itself or the money they offered me were enough to lure me. So that's my rationalization for turning down the two jobs I've been offered.

Maybe I've set my standards too high. Alright, I've definitely set my standards too high. But why should I take a part-time job at a dinky publishing company in Guilford, Connecticut (for example) when there's a chance that I might get a job at Entertainment Weekly or The Atlantic Monthly or the University of Chicago Press!?! I guess that logic is the opposite of the bird in the hand being worth two in the bush, but can you blame me?

The Daily Grind

My routine has been pretty much unaltered for weeks, and it's starting to wear on me in a big way. Here's what a typical day looks like:

Get up late, around 9 or 10. Watch a couple of hours of morning television (I've probably watched a dozen hours worth of cooking and crafting segments between the Today Show and Martha Stewart, though I can't say that I've actually absorbed any of it). Take a shower (a long one). Around 1, hop into the car and find myself some lunch (regular destinations include Panera, Quizno's, McDonald's). A couple of times a week, I make plans for lunch with various friends who are still around. Afterwards, around 2 or 3, I might start watching an On Demand movie or a few episodes of Arrested Development or Lost on DVD. Dinner is at my mom's house several nights a week, otherwise it's take-out sushi from the one Japanese restaurant in town. Some evenings I've got a regular show to watch (current seasons of Arrested Development and Lost, mostly. Even my TV watching habits are redundant). Sometimes I'll go to a movie. (Since September started I've seen 'Red Eye' twice, 'March of the Penguins,' 'Flightplan,' 'Corpse Bride,' 'Proof,' 'A History of Violence,' 'The Squid and the Whale,' 'Good Night, and Good Luck' and a special screening of 'A Clockwork Orange'). Late night, it's usually back to the TV for some VH1 or MTV reruns, or I'll watch C-SPAN or MSNBC if there's anything interesting going on. Bedtime is around 1 or 2. Sounds like a stimulating existence, doesn't it?

Perhaps you've noticed that the description above fails to include any activity that might be construed as relating to my job hunt. The reason for this is simple: my search for a job is not merely an activity; rather, it is a lifestyle. I don't pencil it in for this or that hour of the day. Instead, every unoccupied minute, and even many a seemingly-occupied minute, is filled up with some sort of job hunt-related activity. While flickering images of Martha carving pumpkins and baking cakes are lighting up my television set, I'm scouring Craigslist for any sign of an employment opportunity. While I'm popping spicy tuna rolls into my mouth, I'm tweaking my cover letter to the specifics of the job I'm planning to send it to.

And then there's my habitual email checking. Ten or twenty (or more) times a day, my email account delivers a crushing blow to my spirit and self-esteem. The majority of my job-related correspondence is electronic, as almost all of my applications (resumes, cover letters writing samples) are sent as email attachments. Consistently since the beginning of September I've had at least a dozen "pending" job applications at any given time. (I tread lightly on the word "pending" because it might seem to suggest that some form of closure is imminent. As far as I can tell, many companies that post job listings don't feel the slightest obligation to enage in any sort of correspondence with applicants unless they intend to hire them). So in my mind, every time I log onto Gmail, there's a chance that I might have a job offer (!) or an offer for an interview. Even a simple acknowledgement that XYZ Company has received my materials, any tangible scrap of communication, no matter how insignificant, would be something to cheer about. But 99% of the times that I check my email, I'm confronted with cold, cruel electronic silence. I've come to loathe the sight of Gmail's stock empty-Inbox message: "No new mail! There's always Google News if you're looking for something to read!" Innocuous as it may have been intended to be, it's a punch in the gut. What's worse, when I do actually have a new email, most of the time it's because someone wrote something on my Wall on the Facebook. Umphf.

It's been two months and nothing but dashed hopes, broken dreams and melancholy hyperbole. I don't know how much more of it I, or my sense of aesthetic integrity, can take.

Day 53

Since there are 30 days in the month of September and 22 expired days of October as of this very moment, and since I have arbitrarily decided that my unemployment began on the first day of September of the year 2005, today marks the 53rd day of my unemployment.

I suppose that leaves a good chunk of unaccounted-for time between my college commencement (23 May 2005) and the commencement of my unemployment. That, of course, was my summer vacation--with the exception of 26 days of trekking through western Europe, an entirely uneventful span.

I think the first of September is an appropriately designated date because, to every child of the American public school system, September is "back to school month." Of course, schools at all levels usually tend to begin the academic year in August, but it's really September that conjures up images of pencils and new backpacks and new teachers.

This September, there were no pencils, no new backpacks, no new teachers--not for me. Millions upon millions of students across the country saw their educations progress predictably this academic cycle, all of them completely oblivious to the warmth and safety that their education affords them. And then there are those of us who have finally fallen off that sheer cliff after years of carefree frolicking in the rye. Sadly, we learn that there is no Holden Caulfield there to catch us.

And so post-college/pre-employed life begins...