Two roads diverged
It's been a while since I've posted because I've been taking some time to think about what my next step is going to be. In particular, I've been thinking about some of the comments and suggestions I've received from people who read this blog.
I've spent plenty of time on these pages making excuses for why things are the way they are, and how they're not actually as bad as I make them out to be. But today is not the day for excuses. I hold myself fully and solely accountable for the decisions I've made, and I accept as inevitable those things that are out of my control.
At this point, all of my bases are covered: if I'm going to apply to law school or grad school, all I've got to do is apply. If I decide to move out, all I've got to do is pack up and put some gas in the tank. If I decide to take a job around here, I could get myself an apartment within the week.
By early next week, I expect to hear from the dental laboratory magazine. If I don't get it, my decision is made for me--I'll get it the car, drive west, stop when I hit water, get a job at a coffee shop or a bookstore, get a cheap apartment and...live.
If I do get this magazine job, I'll have a decision to make: take it or leave it. The argument for taking it at this point might be a little more convincing: it'd be good money and good experience. I don't have to make any long term commitments; I could leave after a year (or even less) and almost certainly still have enough freedom to move across the country (I don't intend to have any kids at this point next year).
Maybe the lesson to learn at this point is to stop seeing myself in terms of the things that I can't do. Some of those things are things I can't change (i.e., I don't have the grades or the scores to get into a good law school, I don't have the talent or experience or personality to get a good job in publishing). Some of them are defense mechanisms brought on by fear (i.e., I don't have the natural ability to be a good writer, I don't have the courage to move out and go somewhere far away). If I apply to good jobs or good law schools with a measure of confidence and without regard to my credentials, maybe I'll get lucky (it worked for undergrad) and maybe I won't. If I write or move out (and just do it) maybe something good will happen.
I can't really say whether I want this last job to work out or not. My sensible, rational side thinks there's still plenty of time to do something drastic and still plenty of opportunity to grow up while I'm living around here. My frustrated, ambitious side thinks it's time to listen to what it (and others) have been saying for a long time.
One of the most misguided things a person can do to himself is make promises. Like, "I promise that if I take this job I'll quit in a year and then I'll move away and won't look back until I've made something of myself." I've heard lots of stories of whole lives turning on single decisions. I don't want to be editing press releases about dentures and crowns twenty-five years from now. I just want what everybody wants--A little happiness (and somebody to share it with).
I've spent plenty of time on these pages making excuses for why things are the way they are, and how they're not actually as bad as I make them out to be. But today is not the day for excuses. I hold myself fully and solely accountable for the decisions I've made, and I accept as inevitable those things that are out of my control.
At this point, all of my bases are covered: if I'm going to apply to law school or grad school, all I've got to do is apply. If I decide to move out, all I've got to do is pack up and put some gas in the tank. If I decide to take a job around here, I could get myself an apartment within the week.
By early next week, I expect to hear from the dental laboratory magazine. If I don't get it, my decision is made for me--I'll get it the car, drive west, stop when I hit water, get a job at a coffee shop or a bookstore, get a cheap apartment and...live.
If I do get this magazine job, I'll have a decision to make: take it or leave it. The argument for taking it at this point might be a little more convincing: it'd be good money and good experience. I don't have to make any long term commitments; I could leave after a year (or even less) and almost certainly still have enough freedom to move across the country (I don't intend to have any kids at this point next year).
Maybe the lesson to learn at this point is to stop seeing myself in terms of the things that I can't do. Some of those things are things I can't change (i.e., I don't have the grades or the scores to get into a good law school, I don't have the talent or experience or personality to get a good job in publishing). Some of them are defense mechanisms brought on by fear (i.e., I don't have the natural ability to be a good writer, I don't have the courage to move out and go somewhere far away). If I apply to good jobs or good law schools with a measure of confidence and without regard to my credentials, maybe I'll get lucky (it worked for undergrad) and maybe I won't. If I write or move out (and just do it) maybe something good will happen.
I can't really say whether I want this last job to work out or not. My sensible, rational side thinks there's still plenty of time to do something drastic and still plenty of opportunity to grow up while I'm living around here. My frustrated, ambitious side thinks it's time to listen to what it (and others) have been saying for a long time.
One of the most misguided things a person can do to himself is make promises. Like, "I promise that if I take this job I'll quit in a year and then I'll move away and won't look back until I've made something of myself." I've heard lots of stories of whole lives turning on single decisions. I don't want to be editing press releases about dentures and crowns twenty-five years from now. I just want what everybody wants--A little happiness (and somebody to share it with).
posted by temporarily unemployed at 14:33
1 Comments:
Go west, young man!
...I don't actually mean that as an opinion on the specific should-I-or-shouldn't-I of the dental job. I just think that you and Ohio were made for each other.
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